All the Essential Gear You Need for The Rapture

The world isending tomorrow . Maybe . betting odds are , if you ’re a Gizmodo reader , you ’ll be stuck down here with the residuum of us sinners — pick up this apocalyptic computer hardware beforehand .

Lock Picks

You know what the best part of the ecstasy will be ? The robbery , of line . With all the goodie goodies blow up into Heaven , it ’ll be a window - shattering , television - snap gold rush . Is it a sin ? No ! The Antichrist is go to fare bludgeon you to dying with your own arms at any moment ! Anything run ! But for those hard to crack caches of playfulness material to enjoy before it ’s all over , you ’ll need some self-colored lock picks . This fourteen - piece setshould have you covered .

TDK 3-Speaker Boombox

The masses left behind are work to be the most fun people in the humanity . And yeah , the knowledge the world is self - destructing might be kind of a sedative drug . But it does n’t have to be . Before the architectonic plate rupture and everyone you know and love is ingest by red region , punch in your iPod and pillory some tune . The obvious R.E.M. song is … too obvious . lease ’s go for somethingmore eudaemonia . You ’ll be the living of the party , and it ’ll take the sharpness off of not being pick out for everlasting redemption .

https://gizmodo.com/tdk-3-speaker-boombox-oh-hell-yes-5726129

Volcano Digital Vaporizer

After all the looting , dancing , and orgy - having has come to a finale , you might be sort of cadge . Stressed , even . After all , you ’re condemned to infinite suffering , and you ’re likely watching the planet being ravaged by the armies of Hell . clock time to chill out ! You might as well spend what continue hours you have in a daze of Legal Tobacco Product of Your Choice . Oh look — civilization and all conception of morality and legality has completely imploded , so go forrader andsmoke a clustering of drugs .

https://gizmodo.com/taking-the-670-volcano-vaporizer-for-a-test-drive-5219983

A Giant Fucking Axe

Whether for ego - refutation , looting , or just decapitating a cluster of people you never really like and finally have a chance to off , a immense metal weaponis of the essence while roaming the revelatory ruination of guild . for sure , guns are an alternative , but you ’ll run out of ammo , and you do n’t want to be the dunce who ran out of bullets during the End of Days . Trust a giant axe or else . golf stroke low , angelical chariot . We recommend the Base Camp X Titanis — a monumental , $ 445 animate being . But why even name the damage ? Just ransack the matter ! Start choppin ’ !

https://gizmodo.com/gizmodo-loves-axes-5764227

WAR DOG Armor

When the Rapture attain , lot of dogs are start to be left behind ( do n’t forget who say you thatFIRST ) . You ’ll inevitably collect a few cur out of guilt and pathos , so why not wrench your ecstasy DOGS intoWAR DOGS . ( WAR DOGS . ) Slip aK9 violent storm Intrudervest on that puppy , which not only rent itrappeland parachute , but will tape man ’s good booster tearing people apart in CANINE - O - VISION . Note : Wiener dogs in chain mailare also acceptable .

https://gizmodo.com/crazy-people-drive-post-rapture-pet-pickup-boom-5803629

Comically-Oversized Backpack

After you pick those locks and help yourself to the belongings of everyone who peaced out , you ’re gon na need something to give your freshly - acquired gadgets . This giant knapsack , made by High Fydelity , is not only capable , but approved by the expressive style mavens over atThe Fader . If you ’re gon na loot , do it inPee Wee Herman - esquestyle .

Snow Suit

If you happen to be one of the God - fearing victor among us who was select for an eternal daylight / interminable night stay put at Jesus ’ opulence holiday resort in the sky , you have a foresighted trip beforehand of you . It will get frigid as you hit those glorious and divine altitudes , so slip into one of these lovely North Face Charles Percy Snow suits , list back , and savour the trip up .

Taser

After the company kick the bucket down , the indigene will go restless . This mean you ’ll necessitate to defend yourself from a disillusioned spate of sadist look to shoot down your spleen out for the Inferno of it . Tasers are not only effective against these thrill - seekers , but require little skill to operate . ALSO , Jesus may or may notbe a velociraptor , and thus , may attempt to eat you . If this happens , plug him in the chest with one of these and all should be well .

[ Photo Credit : top image uses picture fromShutterstock ]

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