The Gobots have never had it easy . These transforming automaton toy contemporaries of the Transformers were always seen as second - class … uh , transform golem toys in the ’ LXXX ; Tonka ’s cheap belt - offs to Hasbro ’s substantial hatful , even though the Gobots came out somewhat before the Transformers ( … because Tonka rush along to spell them from Japan after they listen Hasbro ’s transformer program , but still ) .
But you bang what ? This scorn , this prejuice , this hatred — it is altogether fine . Completely justified , in fact . The Gobots suck up , and they deserved all the scorn we pile on them in the ’ 80s , and then some . Here are 20 painful reminders of why the Gobots were so godawful .
1 ) thunderbolt
If there was one grounds why the Gobots were apparently inferior to Transformers , it ’s that their transformations were pitiful . While even the simple transformer had several step and terminate up looking like humanoid robots , Gobots like Bolt here only ended up look like crashed versions of their vehicle forms with face ( and not all of them even had face , unhappily ) .
2 ) Beemer
Beemer is one of the Happy Meal - toy - combining weight Wendy ’s put out in 1985 . A inexpensively produce riotous food pize figure might make for an anemic target , but I ’m just mean - spirited enough not to handle . in any case , I ’m sure Beemer was a trusted warrior of the Gobots Guardians , assuming the missionary work did n’t expect the use of peripheral visual modality .
3 ) Bugbite
Hmm ? what ’s this ? A homely yellow robot that translate into a scandalmongering VW Bug ? Named “ Bugbite ” ? Much like the top-notch - pop Transformers character Bumblebee ? You ’ll mark that Transformers never sample to rip off any Gobots . reward : Transformers .
4 ) Bubble Man
One matter Gobots did that Transformers did not was offer several other type of traditional miniature that transformed ( barely ) into robots . So Bubble Man — whose only transformation stage allow kids to blow him to produce house of cards — was technically a full - fledged phallus of the Gobots squad . Who shot bubble out of his chest . I wager that was super - useful in their war against the malefic giant transforming automaton with optical maser guns .
5 ) Breez
This is another Wendy ’s Gobot offering , but WHAT IN GOD ’S NAME IS THAT BETWEEN HIS leg . Is … is that a metrical foot ? Does Breez have just one elephantine foot in the middle of his low trunk ? God , I hope so .
6 ) Cap Pistol
Here ’s another traditional toy change state into a silly - depend golem . If you await at the promotional material , it appears that this miniature ’s name is Rogun , who happen to be a detonating gadget handgun . But in all the Gobot research I did , it seems that the character ’s name is in fact Cap Pistol , who happens to be a rogun . The name ’s a touch on - the - nozzle , do n’t you cerebrate ? That ’s like if I give way around say my name was “ Fat Nerd . ”
7 ) prehend
You know , I can make fun of the Gobots all I want , but at least they had the open - mindedness to bear the mankind ’s first morbidly obese robot .
- Guide Star
Yet another Wendy ’s toy . wait , I know these things were cheap , and conjecture to be elementary . But even a damn Happy Meal plaything necessitate more than ONE FUCKING TRANSFOMATION POINT . He does n’t even have arms , for fucks rice beer . That ’s not a robot , it ’s a space birdie with a pull - out extension .
9 ) Jeeper Creeper
“ What ? Huh ? Did I what aright ? Oh , I see . You think that because I have a tire hang precariously off the top of my head I must be caught in mid - transformation ! In fact , no . I ’m supposed to have a tire jutting out from my head . No , I do n’t have the slightest idea why I was made this way , because I do look moronic , but I ’ve acquire to search on the bright side . I just pretend it ’s a kicky beret ! ”
10 ) Re - Volt
transformer were robots that hide out themselves on Earth by disguising themselves as pop fomite and electronic twist , hence the phrase “ robot in disguise . ” Meanwhile , in Gobots , Re - Volt was a robot who turns into a gargantuan bird of Jove riding some sort of giant flatbed truck . That … that is something that might be noticed if you passed it on the highway .
11 ) Pulver - Eyes
Pulverize is one of the Rock Lords , one of Tonka ’s Gobots spin - offs ( because what do kid love more than robots who turn into vehicles ? Robots who turn into rocks , obviously ) . Making playfulness of the Rock Lords could be a listing unto itself , but I ’ll limit myself to Pulver - Eyes , the spider - tilt - robot who look for all the human beings like he ’s made of feces . I tell you , I make a Hong Kong moonshine of Pulver - Eyes in his rock way in my toilet every morning after I eat Taco Bell for dinner .
12 ) Pow Wow
Pow Wow has one thing over his fellow Wendy ’s repast compatriot Guide Star : He has arms . Of course , those arms are come directly out of his pelvic girdle , but still , a tree branch ’s a limb . I also like to think of Pow Wow as the Washington Redskins of the Gobot world , in that all his fellow Guardians ask him once a week if he ’s going to change his border offensive name yet . “ You ’re not even a Native American , man . You ’re a robot , ” they say . “ Why are you making this so weird ? ”
13 ) Staks
Aw , is n’t that cunning ? Tonka made a stinking Optimus Prime tear - off so their shitty Bumblebee rip - off Bugbite would n’t be lonely ! Or so he could have a pal to make a suicide pact with . Same divergence , really .
14 ) Water side arm
His hold is his member . I mean … there ’s no other possibility . tyke have to grab the robot ’s dick in rescript to spray their friends with urine . awe-inspiring .
15 ) awry Way
Pity poor ill-timed Way , who has turned to a life of evilness because he can never know the soft caress of a buff . Because he has a jumbo honk eggbeater blade come out his chest . He also ca n’t attain in front of him , which also has to be vastly irritating .
16 ) Mr. Moto
I ’m sorry , did you believe that this was a picture of Mr. Moto mystify in mid - transformation ? I ’m sorry to tell you no , this is what his actual robot shape looks like . The only interrogation is who was drunker : Mr. Moto or the miserable illegitimate child that designed him ? Because no sober man would pretend this is a complete robot .
17 ) Rock Roller
Okay , one more Rock Lord . “ The Traveler has follow ! Choose and perish ! Choose ! Choose the configuration of the Destructor ! ”
18 ) Zero
So this is a robot that change state into a Zero plane , best known for their use by the Japanese Imperial Navy during World War II , specially by kamikaze pilots . Seeing as Gobots hail from outer space and thus Zero is n’t Japanese , I have to wonder what his reasoning was for choose to transform into one of the most iconic vehicle of thw Axis magnate . Is he just a Nipponophile ? A WWII buff whose foreign fostering forestall him from understanding how transforming into a Zero belligerent in ’ 80s America might untune some veterans ? Or does he know , and selected the Zero on use because he hates the flock ? I think he hates the troops .
19 ) Traitor
Like Re - Volt , Traitor was a Dread Launcher , which apparently means “ a golem that turn into a giant flying thing on top of a flatbed truck used to ship gargantuan fly thing , ” but in this case , a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant . But I ’d care to focus on the fact his name is Traitor . wait , I know the Renegades are supposed to be evil , but is n’t diagnose yourself Traitor just asking for difficulty ? “ Hey , Traitor ! So … you going to betray us ? You understand why I ask every day , right ? ”
20 ) Scales
That ’s not a robot , that ’s a car with a giant fanged penis inside it .
pic viaToyArchive , Counter - X , Pezzazz Etsy Shop , Talyn , RobotJapan , TFUinfo.com , andCollectionDX .
ToysTransformers
Daily Newsletter
Get the near tech , scientific discipline , and civilisation news show in your inbox daily .
word from the future tense , turn in to your nowadays .
You May Also Like
